Before last Tuesday I never dreamed that I'd be patient enough to care for a woman who is over four times my age. I was worried that I would have to do everything for her and that the experience would be a waste of my time.
Instead, I have been in awe of this incredible lady. Each day she surprises me with more progress, and even though she'll have an occasional bad day which slows her down, she'll let us push her to make her stronger.
Today, despite the sheer exhaustion that hides in her tired eyes, Mrs. H found her way from the den into the living room, where she proclaimed that she needed to practice walking. I almost cried from happiness. It was such a victorious sign. I was so proud of her and made sure I was clear about that. Each day is a step in the right direction.
Unfortunately, later in the day I witnessed something that broke my heart and made me realize that even though she is constantly progressing, she will never have her old body back. Just before I left, I was talking with Mrs. M, Mrs. H's youngest daughter. We were discussing the progress that Mrs. H has been making over the past two weeks. After a few minutes we walked into the den to talk to Mrs. H. She was sound asleep in her chair, as she had been for most of the afternoon. She awoke with a smile when her daughter entered the room and sat next to her on the couch. Their conversation brought tears to my eyes.
Mrs. H: "I'm fading..."
Mrs. M: "What if we don't want you to fade?"
Mrs. H: with a scary serious face "I'm fading..."
To see something so private made me sad. I've known all the way through that this was a possibility, but it made me pray extra hard for Mrs. H to gather the strength to make it through. She's very stubborn like that, so I wouldn't be surprised if she lasted another 15 years. Unfortunately, if she's admitting that she's fading, there's the chance that she won't let herself get better. I fear that the independent soul she once had has been replaced by the requirement of someone being by her side all the time. We forgot to ask ourselves what are the repercussions.
I suppose that deep down I'm so terrified of being the one to discover her after she's completed her journey to heaven, and for that I try to encourage her independence. I often think that if she can hold onto that one piece of her past, she'll make it through. Don't get me wrong, I understand that her passing is inevitable. I just don't want it to be anytime soon.
Maybe I'm selfish. Okay, let me rephrase. I know I'm selfish. This job has been helping me with that. It's opening new doors for me. I can feel a new maturity wash over me, preparing me for life. Mrs. H has shown me the importance of caring for others. I adore seeing her every day. She always treats me like I'm family, which is how I one day hope to be. Her hospitality is extended not just towards friends and family, but also towards strangers. When new social workers come to visit, she treats them with as much courtesy, if not more, than what she would expect.
I guess this post was a way for me to not only express how I'm feeling, but also to ask for prayers for Mrs. H's recovery. She needs her independence and she needs it soon.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Derrr...
Holy vampires, Batman. It's been a loooooooong time since I last updated. So much for my "one post a week" mantra. Psht. I figured it wouldn't be long...
Anyway I have some excitement for you lovelies. I have a job! I'm helping to take care of my best friend's grandma, who, at the young age of 92, is recovering from spine surgery. It's a long road but she's a trooper. My job doesn't consist of much. I basically help her get up in the morning, do some exercises, cook her meals, make sure she doesn't fall, force her to take her meds and keep her company. There is a lot of downtime, since she sleeps a lot. I make pretty good money, which is great. I'm actually gonna miss the job when I move this fall, which brings me to the next piece of excitement...
...I still haven't figured out where I'll be living! Yay! Although I think I have narrowed it down to the beautiful motherland that is Michigan. Unfortunately this involves competing with a ton of other people for the, like, two jobs that are available. Maybe I can bribe Mrs. M to keep me on for the fall if they need someone. I could totally do that. I can study in the down time no prob. I do think that I want to journey northward. I'm sick of the hustle and bustle of the big city and ache for a slower pace. I feel my skin crawl at the thought of commuting constantly and never having time to enjoy the things in life. I guess this job has taught me a lot. I've become more patient and thoughtful. I also have a lot more respect for the elderly. They can accept death with such grace. I someday hope to be like them. I've learned from Mrs. H that life is short and that I need to make decisions that make me happy. That's why I've given up on the thought process that I thrive in the sprawling metropolis that is Detroit. I think that with my ever-rising blood pressure and ever-falling faith in humanity, a move will do me some good.
It's funny because just a few months ago Brian and I had talked about moving to Texas to start over. There were jobs in the Austin area that caught my eye. I rebeled, though. I wasn't ready to give up on my urban life and be born again in the country. Nowadays I crave the stars. It's like a drug to me. I'm only truly content if I can see billions of stars in the dark sky. It's my heroin...
But I digress. Next week starts an epic journey for me. (not really). I'm going camping with my mom's whole huge family. We'll be at Brighton State Recreation Area from Thursday [Wednesday?] through Sunday and I'm beyond excited.
I'm so far beyond excited that I've crossed the tracks into nausea. You see, Brian is meeting my family. All of them. And it scares the crap out of me. They're kind of vicious towards outsiders. Too bad for them. Brian's not going anywhere for a while. It'll be fun.
Plus I'll get to spend a weekend with him under the stars. What more could a girl ask for?
Anyway I have some excitement for you lovelies. I have a job! I'm helping to take care of my best friend's grandma, who, at the young age of 92, is recovering from spine surgery. It's a long road but she's a trooper. My job doesn't consist of much. I basically help her get up in the morning, do some exercises, cook her meals, make sure she doesn't fall, force her to take her meds and keep her company. There is a lot of downtime, since she sleeps a lot. I make pretty good money, which is great. I'm actually gonna miss the job when I move this fall, which brings me to the next piece of excitement...
...I still haven't figured out where I'll be living! Yay! Although I think I have narrowed it down to the beautiful motherland that is Michigan. Unfortunately this involves competing with a ton of other people for the, like, two jobs that are available. Maybe I can bribe Mrs. M to keep me on for the fall if they need someone. I could totally do that. I can study in the down time no prob. I do think that I want to journey northward. I'm sick of the hustle and bustle of the big city and ache for a slower pace. I feel my skin crawl at the thought of commuting constantly and never having time to enjoy the things in life. I guess this job has taught me a lot. I've become more patient and thoughtful. I also have a lot more respect for the elderly. They can accept death with such grace. I someday hope to be like them. I've learned from Mrs. H that life is short and that I need to make decisions that make me happy. That's why I've given up on the thought process that I thrive in the sprawling metropolis that is Detroit. I think that with my ever-rising blood pressure and ever-falling faith in humanity, a move will do me some good.
It's funny because just a few months ago Brian and I had talked about moving to Texas to start over. There were jobs in the Austin area that caught my eye. I rebeled, though. I wasn't ready to give up on my urban life and be born again in the country. Nowadays I crave the stars. It's like a drug to me. I'm only truly content if I can see billions of stars in the dark sky. It's my heroin...
But I digress. Next week starts an epic journey for me. (not really). I'm going camping with my mom's whole huge family. We'll be at Brighton State Recreation Area from Thursday [Wednesday?] through Sunday and I'm beyond excited.
I'm so far beyond excited that I've crossed the tracks into nausea. You see, Brian is meeting my family. All of them. And it scares the crap out of me. They're kind of vicious towards outsiders. Too bad for them. Brian's not going anywhere for a while. It'll be fun.
Plus I'll get to spend a weekend with him under the stars. What more could a girl ask for?
Friday, July 17, 2009
I think we could all use more smiles today...
...so here is something to cheer you up!
http://www.espin.com/mash-game.php
I used to play this game all the time when I was growing up. Let me know if you take it and if your results were what you wanted or expected.
http://www.espin.com/mash-game.php
I used to play this game all the time when I was growing up. Let me know if you take it and if your results were what you wanted or expected.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Figuring things out
I'm typically good at organization. I enjoy a fresh calendar or planner. Bleach wipes and storage bins get me hot. My dorm room was *spotless* compared to everyone else's rooms.
Alas, when I make the pilgrimage each year from Alma to good old Harper Woods, my organization drops itself off in St. Johns. I come home and drop all my crap in the basement (and take just a few things into my bedroom, adding to the massive heap that is nearly 22 years worth of crap.) For the first few days, I want to simply collapse and die. I would be incredibly exhausted and couldn't be bothered to even look at my school stuff. Over the course of the next couple of days I'd clean the bathroom or kitchen or do cooking or baking. I would be productive. Throughout the summer my motivation would crisp in the sun and go into hiding until the following fall (although it has been known to hibernate all year long, in some cases.)
This year is no different. Except someone just lit a small forest fire under my ass, trying to get it moving. Well, two people. Based on some unfortunate circumstances, my family is moving probably by Christmas. Only they don't know when. Or where. Or how. Therefore, when I move to Kent in the fall, all of my stuff will be coming with me. In the next couple of weeks, I need to go through said 22 years worth of stuff and pull out what is vital for my survival as a fully functioning adult creature. Do you know how hard that is? I have to sort through all my books, furniture, etc. and basically have a beauty contest to see who gets to move onto Stage Two. Can I get an "ugh!"
***Two hours later***
Oops. I forgot that I was writing this. Apparently I'm more ADD than I thought. I got distracted by...well, I have no idea since it was about two hours ago. But I do have some exciting-ness to share! I bought wash cloths for my new bathroom. Granted, I have no idea what color my bathroom is going to be, but it will have to match the shades-of-turquoise cloths I just bought.
Mine have turquoise with them, though. I got mine at Meijer for $0.50 more. Bah. Oh well. At least I'll be stylin'.
Now for more ADD stuff. In yesterday's post, I commented on how Brian has unofficially asked me to marry him and how I want to but don't know if I can. Well, I still don't have an answer for him. But I must admit that the thought of possibly having stability and a house (!) makes me weak in the knees. I love decorating. It would be really exciting to have something semi-permanent that I can call home. Ah. Being a grown up. Has it's ups, eh?
Dear readers, what's going on with you? Tell me something cool/exciting/interesting that's happened to you recently. It can even be as simple as buying new washcloths!
Except my room's not quite like this.
Alas, when I make the pilgrimage each year from Alma to good old Harper Woods, my organization drops itself off in St. Johns. I come home and drop all my crap in the basement (and take just a few things into my bedroom, adding to the massive heap that is nearly 22 years worth of crap.) For the first few days, I want to simply collapse and die. I would be incredibly exhausted and couldn't be bothered to even look at my school stuff. Over the course of the next couple of days I'd clean the bathroom or kitchen or do cooking or baking. I would be productive. Throughout the summer my motivation would crisp in the sun and go into hiding until the following fall (although it has been known to hibernate all year long, in some cases.)
This year is no different. Except someone just lit a small forest fire under my ass, trying to get it moving. Well, two people. Based on some unfortunate circumstances, my family is moving probably by Christmas. Only they don't know when. Or where. Or how. Therefore, when I move to Kent in the fall, all of my stuff will be coming with me. In the next couple of weeks, I need to go through said 22 years worth of stuff and pull out what is vital for my survival as a fully functioning adult creature. Do you know how hard that is? I have to sort through all my books, furniture, etc. and basically have a beauty contest to see who gets to move onto Stage Two. Can I get an "ugh!"
***Two hours later***
Oops. I forgot that I was writing this. Apparently I'm more ADD than I thought. I got distracted by...well, I have no idea since it was about two hours ago. But I do have some exciting-ness to share! I bought wash cloths for my new bathroom. Granted, I have no idea what color my bathroom is going to be, but it will have to match the shades-of-turquoise cloths I just bought.
Mine have turquoise with them, though. I got mine at Meijer for $0.50 more. Bah. Oh well. At least I'll be stylin'.
Now for more ADD stuff. In yesterday's post, I commented on how Brian has unofficially asked me to marry him and how I want to but don't know if I can. Well, I still don't have an answer for him. But I must admit that the thought of possibly having stability and a house (!) makes me weak in the knees. I love decorating. It would be really exciting to have something semi-permanent that I can call home. Ah. Being a grown up. Has it's ups, eh?
Dear readers, what's going on with you? Tell me something cool/exciting/interesting that's happened to you recently. It can even be as simple as buying new washcloths!
Caught between a rock and a hard place
Upon looking at today's events, I have come to realize something: My boyfriend is psychic. Or something... I'm not quite sure what yet. Before you walk away, let me explain.
Last night Brian and I were talking about his impending decision about joining the armed forces. My oh-so-practical loverboy suggested again that we elope in the coming months for multiple reasons. I'm not going to lie- it was very, very tempting. Especially when he kept throwing around words like free (not-Obama induced) healthcare, higher pay and stability. I almost had an orgasm thinking about all the possibilities. I would be able to actually go to a doctor. I could get my teeth cleaned (!!) and I could get new glasses that I've been needing for several months now.
But then, like always, the voice of reason woke up and slammed on the brakes. What was I thinking?! I'm not even 22 yet and Brian, well, I love him to death but I definitely robbed the cradle* He's not even 21. Neither of us are financially responsible enough** to run a functioning household. I've always promised my mom that I would wait a reasonable amount of time before marrying someone to avoid the mistakes she made. I also promised her multiple times that I would never get married without her there. Plus the allure of a big, fancy wedding is just too appealing to turn down. Selfish, yes, but I never said that I wasn't.
So what do I do? I do have plenty of time to decide, which is helpful because I am in no state to make life altering decisions right now. I'd rather pull a tapeworm out through my ear (*shudder*). I love Brian to death and I can very honestly see myself with him for the rest of my life, but there are so many other things going on nowadays that I can't imagine hiding such a huge thing from my family. Not to mention I wouldn't survive if my mom found out.
The adventurous side of me just screamed "DO IT!" at the top of its imaginary lungs. Maybe it's time to sedate that more...
What would you do in my situation? Would you listen to your practical, reasonable side or would you take the plunge and give in to spontaneity? What would you do if your (un-supportive) parents found out? Would you tell your family?
*Does that make me a cougar?
**Though Brian's better at it than I am, by far.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Reaching out for a helping hand...
I am so lost at this current moment and I can't even describe how this rock in the pit of my stomach is making me feel. I suppose the best way to describe it is that I feel like someone cut me open, shoved a boulder in my stomach, stitched me up and pushed me off a cliff. I fell for several hundred feet and am now helpless at the bottom of the ocean, struggling to claw this death-instrument from my insides.
At the beginning of the summer I came down with a wretched case of mono. I was incredibly ill for about 3 weeks. After about the first week I told my self and my mom that i needed to be seen by a doctor. My airway had swelled so it was the size of a dime. I couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe easily, couldn't do anything. I was also acutely aware of my lack of health insurance. It's what prevented me from going to the doctor the week before, when my symptoms started showing up fast. I decided that it was worth knowing what was killing me slowly. I'd just have to deal with the bill later.
The people at the ER were phenomenal. They treated me with patience, kindness and respect (well, except the triage nurse. She was a bitch.) As I was leaving, they handed me some papers to fill out. If I completed them and returned them within 10 days then I could receive some help with payment. Like the good child I am, I hastened in my lethargic, oxygen-less state to get the stuff done and send it in. Then I waited.
All the while my mom lectured me on why I need to go to the welfare office because I can get the bill paid for and they'll give me insurance and why don't you listen to this and maybe you can get food stamps. Stop. Just stop. For some reason I was too proud to admit that I had a serious issue and needed to take her advice seriously.
I'm kicking myself now. I also hate her because of her condescending "I-told-you-so" attitude. I don't need to hear it right now. Ok? I admit that I was stupid. I admit that I should not have gone to the ER to get tests done. I would have been fine in a couple of weeks...there wasn't anything that they could do anyway. Gah. If only I had a crystal ball I could really stop myself from being so foolish. I would also be insanely rich because I would be able to tell the winning lotto numbers before they're drawn. I'd be famous. Yep. (Only I wouldn't want to be famous because then people watch and nag you even more.)
I currently have $1400+ owed to various places, not including credit card companies. DUMB. Yep, that's my new name. I have about $600 due to Alma College for them screwing up my life and I have over $800 due to Henry Ford Health System for, well, them doing nothing but steal my blood. Vampires.
And how exactly do I, the job-less college super-senior, plan on paying all of this off?
...Is prostitution an option?
Do you have any advice for me? I am in *deep* and need help ASAP. I also accept charitable donations payable to "Iam Screwed."
At the beginning of the summer I came down with a wretched case of mono. I was incredibly ill for about 3 weeks. After about the first week I told my self and my mom that i needed to be seen by a doctor. My airway had swelled so it was the size of a dime. I couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe easily, couldn't do anything. I was also acutely aware of my lack of health insurance. It's what prevented me from going to the doctor the week before, when my symptoms started showing up fast. I decided that it was worth knowing what was killing me slowly. I'd just have to deal with the bill later.
The people at the ER were phenomenal. They treated me with patience, kindness and respect (well, except the triage nurse. She was a bitch.) As I was leaving, they handed me some papers to fill out. If I completed them and returned them within 10 days then I could receive some help with payment. Like the good child I am, I hastened in my lethargic, oxygen-less state to get the stuff done and send it in. Then I waited.
All the while my mom lectured me on why I need to go to the welfare office because I can get the bill paid for and they'll give me insurance and why don't you listen to this and maybe you can get food stamps. Stop. Just stop. For some reason I was too proud to admit that I had a serious issue and needed to take her advice seriously.
I'm kicking myself now. I also hate her because of her condescending "I-told-you-so" attitude. I don't need to hear it right now. Ok? I admit that I was stupid. I admit that I should not have gone to the ER to get tests done. I would have been fine in a couple of weeks...there wasn't anything that they could do anyway. Gah. If only I had a crystal ball I could really stop myself from being so foolish. I would also be insanely rich because I would be able to tell the winning lotto numbers before they're drawn. I'd be famous. Yep. (Only I wouldn't want to be famous because then people watch and nag you even more.)
I currently have $1400+ owed to various places, not including credit card companies. DUMB. Yep, that's my new name. I have about $600 due to Alma College for them screwing up my life and I have over $800 due to Henry Ford Health System for, well, them doing nothing but steal my blood. Vampires.
And how exactly do I, the job-less college super-senior, plan on paying all of this off?
...Is prostitution an option?
Do you have any advice for me? I am in *deep* and need help ASAP. I also accept charitable donations payable to "Iam Screwed."
Sunday, July 12, 2009
These are scary times, my friends...
Every once in a while my mom and my grandma get along. Lately we've been in one of those "happy phases." Today, however, we made the bumpy transition back to needing anger management classes and a lot of counseling. From down the hall I heard my mom shout into the phone numerous times. She was yelling about bankruptcy, foreclosures, needing to find a house, stress ulcers, bad backs and I believe she called my grandma various lovely names. I'm sure that my grandma started it. Absolutely positive. If there were Nagging Olympics my grandma would be a gold medalist in every event.In other news, I'm attempting to find an apartment, confirm financial aid, schedule classes and save the world all within the next month. No wonder I'm so exhausted. You see, because I'm transferring to a school that's like, 18 billion times the size of Alma, things are run a little differently. For example, they don't assign you an advisor. No. Instead they leave you to find one. Not. Fun. I have never met anyone in their Spanish department in my entire life and I've been waiting for over a week to hear back from a professor. Hopefully he takes pity on me and helps me out. As for financial aid, well, my lady hasn't emailed me back either, and it has definitely been a week and a half. When are you gonna get back to me!? Double ugh. I know it'll work out in the end, but all this stress is making me grumpy. And Lord knows I don't do well when I'm grumpy.
Tell me, my dear invisible readers, what's going on with you? Use this canvas as a place to complain about whatever ails you. Are you moving in a few weeks? Looking for a job? Dealing with family? Let us know!
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