Caught between a rock and a hard place

Upon looking at today's events, I have come to realize something: My boyfriend is psychic. Or something... I'm not quite sure what yet. Before you walk away, let me explain.

Last night Brian and I were talking about his impending decision about joining the armed forces. My oh-so-practical loverboy suggested again that we elope in the coming months for multiple reasons. I'm not going to lie- it was very, very tempting. Especially when he kept throwing around words like free (not-Obama induced) healthcare, higher pay and stability. I almost had an orgasm thinking about all the possibilities. I would be able to actually go to a doctor. I could get my teeth cleaned (!!) and I could get new glasses that I've been needing for several months now.


But then, like always, the voice of reason woke up and slammed on the brakes. What was I thinking?! I'm not even 22 yet and Brian, well, I love him to death but I definitely robbed the cradle* He's not even 21. Neither of us are financially responsible enough** to run a functioning household. I've always promised my mom that I would wait a reasonable amount of time before marrying someone to avoid the mistakes she made. I also promised her multiple times that I would never get married without her there. Plus the allure of a big, fancy wedding is just too appealing to turn down. Selfish, yes, but I never said that I wasn't.

So what do I do? I do have plenty of time to decide, which is helpful because I am in no state to make life altering decisions right now. I'd rather pull a tapeworm out through my ear (*shudder*). I love Brian to death and I can very honestly see myself with him for the rest of my life, but there are so many other things going on nowadays that I can't imagine hiding such a huge thing from my family. Not to mention I wouldn't survive if my mom found out.

The adventurous side of me just screamed "DO IT!" at the top of its imaginary lungs. Maybe it's time to sedate that more...


What would you do in my situation? Would you listen to your practical, reasonable side or would you take the plunge and give in to spontaneity? What would you do if your (un-supportive) parents found out? Would you tell your family?



*Does that make me a cougar?
**Though Brian's better at it than I am, by far.

Reaching out for a helping hand...

I am so lost at this current moment and I can't even describe how this rock in the pit of my stomach is making me feel. I suppose the best way to describe it is that I feel like someone cut me open, shoved a boulder in my stomach, stitched me up and pushed me off a cliff. I fell for several hundred feet and am now helpless at the bottom of the ocean, struggling to claw this death-instrument from my insides.

At the beginning of the summer I came down with a wretched case of mono. I was incredibly ill for about 3 weeks. After about the first week I told my self and my mom that i needed to be seen by a doctor. My airway had swelled so it was the size of a dime. I couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe easily, couldn't do anything. I was also acutely aware of my lack of health insurance. It's what prevented me from going to the doctor the week before, when my symptoms started showing up fast. I decided that it was worth knowing what was killing me slowly. I'd just have to deal with the bill later.

The people at the ER were phenomenal. They treated me with patience, kindness and respect (well, except the triage nurse. She was a bitch.) As I was leaving, they handed me some papers to fill out. If I completed them and returned them within 10 days then I could receive some help with payment. Like the good child I am, I hastened in my lethargic, oxygen-less state to get the stuff done and send it in. Then I waited.

All the while my mom lectured me on why I need to go to the welfare office because I can get the bill paid for and they'll give me insurance and why don't you listen to this and maybe you can get food stamps. Stop. Just stop. For some reason I was too proud to admit that I had a serious issue and needed to take her advice seriously.

I'm kicking myself now. I also hate her because of her condescending "I-told-you-so" attitude. I don't need to hear it right now. Ok? I admit that I was stupid. I admit that I should not have gone to the ER to get tests done. I would have been fine in a couple of weeks...there wasn't anything that they could do anyway. Gah. If only I had a crystal ball I could really stop myself from being so foolish. I would also be insanely rich because I would be able to tell the winning lotto numbers before they're drawn. I'd be famous. Yep. (Only I wouldn't want to be famous because then people watch and nag you even more.)

I currently have $1400+ owed to various places, not including credit card companies. DUMB. Yep, that's my new name. I have about $600 due to Alma College for them screwing up my life and I have over $800 due to Henry Ford Health System for, well, them doing nothing but steal my blood. Vampires.

And how exactly do I, the job-less college super-senior, plan on paying all of this off?


...Is prostitution an option?




Do you have any advice for me? I am in *deep* and need help ASAP. I also accept charitable donations payable to "Iam Screwed."